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Emotionally Healthy Relationships: Pt 3

Wisdom

If you would like to extend this over a week, you can easily do one of the points each day of your devotion.  Here is a printable version
James 3:18 - Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.

Question:  What is your definition of wisdom?  _________________________________________________
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James 3:13 - Who is wise and understanding among you?  Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes with wisdom.  

Question:  Can you name some ways that people show that they are wise?  ____________________
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One of the secrets of emotionally healthy relationships is wisdom because wisdom is a lifestyle.  

It's not a matter of what you say with your lips but a matter of what you live with your life.  

Lack of wisdom causes problems in your relationships.

James 3:14 - But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such "wisdom" does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, of the devil. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.  

DISORDER means:  confusion - comes from instability.

Question:  Can you think of some of the problems caused by a lack of wisdom?  _______________
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To receive wisdom, you must:

James 1:5 - If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Question:  How do we receive wisdom?  ________________________________________________________
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Question:  What do you think it means when James says "without finding faults"?  _____________
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Colossians 2:2-3 - My purpose is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, 3 in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Question:  How will having a personal relationship with Jesus increase your wisdom?  _________
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So if wisdom is a lifestyle, let's look to see how it should be revealed in our life.

James 3:17 - But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure...

PURE means:  uncorrupted - pure from fault.

1.  A life filled with integrity.

Question:  Why do you think James started out with integrity as the first one?  _________________
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Question:  Have you ever known someone who had a relationship with the person they didn't trust?  How did it turn out for them?  ____________________________________________________________
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James 3:17 - But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving....

2.  A life that loves peace.

Question:  Do you love a good argument?  _____________________________________________________

Question:  When you think of the relationships you have around you, are there people who know the exact button to push that gets you upset?  If so, how do you handle them?  _________
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James 3:17 - But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate....

CONSIDERATE means:  mindful of the feelings of others.

3.  A life that is considerate of others' feelings.

Consider two common mistakes made in relationships:

* I react to what people say and ignore how people feel.  

Question:  Have you found yourself obsessing about the word or phrase in a disagreement?  If so, what was the outcome?  _____________________________________________________________________
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Question:   Can you think of  a time when you looked past the words of attack and to the feeling that the person was trying to express?   _________________________________________________
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*  I invalidate any feelings that I don't feel myself.

Question:  Have you ever had a time when your feelings were not validated?  How did that make you feel?  _________________________________________________________________________________
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You can argue the facts, but you cannot argue the feelings.

Question:  Can you think of a time when you tried to argue about your feeling?  What was the outcome?  ______________________________________________________________________________________
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Wisdom will reveal itself by seeking to understand why they are feeling that way.

James 3:17 - But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive....

SUBMISSIVE means:  reasonable, willing to listen, open to ideas.

4.  A life that is open to listen to others.  

Question:    Do you think you are open to listen to other people?  ______________________________

Question:  How do you handle the person who has the mindset:  "Don't confuse me with the facts:  my mind is already made up" ? ___________________________________________________________
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James 3:17 - But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit....

5.  A life that does not keep score.  

Question:  How well do you keep score?  _______________________________________________________
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Question:  If you are good at keeping score, how does it help in a relationship?  _______________
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James 3:17 - But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.  

SINCERE means:  straightforward and without hypocrisy.

6.  A life that is authentic.  

Question:  Why do you think people tend not to be real?  ______________________________________
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Question:  Who would you prefer having a relationship with, somebody who is honest and real or somebody who is a pretender?  ______________________________________________________________

James 3:18 - Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness.  

Question:  So a person who is a peacemaker has wisdom in their life.  What is the byproduct of wisdom in our relationships?  ___________________________________________________________________
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